Three Small Words

Dedicated to preventing suicide, R U OK day is run by a non-for-profit organisation determined to encourage everyone to regularly ask “Are you okay?” to support those struggling with life.

One thing you should always remember is that you can’t always tell when someone is struggling. It’s not like there’s a massive sign above people’s heads telling everyone nearby when and if said person is upset and if they need someone to be there for them.

Let me tell you a story.

There was this girl I used to know.

She was really pretty and she used to have a lot of guys vying for a piece of her. You would kind of expect her to have been the type who would take advantage of her attention, but she had this tendency to shy away from all of the attention.

Apart from all the guy attention, she had a lot of friends. It wasn’t just ‘popular people’ she befriended either. She was friends with everyone and everyone seemed to know her.

She was easy to get along with that way.

And then one day, I saw her run away crying. It wasn’t happy tears or light crying either. It was the type of crying that starts in your throat – where all you want to do is curl up into a ball, sob and hide away from everything - all your pain and sorrow - everything.

I don’t know what happened before that, all I know is that at that time, she was alone.

No admirers. No friends. No followers. No one.

I wish I could say that I chased after her and asked if she was okay and she opened up to me and that once all was done, we became best friends, the end. I wish.

No. I assumed that someone would be chasing after her and that before long, she would be all smiles again. I assured myself that I couldn’t help her anyway because I didn’t know her.

Later that day, she didn’t sit with her friends and her friends didn’t sit with her.

Later that day, I heard she dumped her boyfriend.

Later that day, I found out why.

Her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend.

I felt bad for her. She was alone.

All her friends had left her.

It took me a week. I caught her crying in the toilets. She’d changed so much in the week since she’d cut her hair, stopped wearing make-up and she didn’t smile anymore. She was holding her wrist under the water. I could see scars.

“Are you okay?” I asked. I was scared. I didn’t know what else to say. A million and one things were rushing through my mind in that moment – Do I ask about her scars? Do I try and get her to a therapist? Do I tell a teacher? Do I mind my own business?

She smiled sardonically, daring me to ask. “No.”

She knew I had seen her scars.

I did. “Do you want to talk?”

“No. Not really.”

It didn’t matter. We left the toilets that day today and sat outside talking about anything and everything but why she was so upset.

Books. School. Rainbows. Unicorns.

We became good friends and she seemed happy. Her scars faded with time and though it took me a week, she promised she would never cut again and I made sure she knew that I would always be there for her and that I would be willing to listen if she ever wanted to talk.

At the end of that year, I received a text from her.

Two words. Thank you.

Two minutes later: For being there.

She moved away shortly after. To this day, I still don’t know why she was upset. All I know is that if I had asked if she was okay sooner – if I had reached out to her sooner, maybe I could have stopped it from escalating. Maybe I could have stopped her from cutting to begin with.

I don’t know.

What I do know is that I stopped it from possibly ending in something much worse. I’ll always regret that I didn’t ask sooner, but I am so, so glad that I ended up asking her in the end.

To this day, we still keep in contact and we make sure to talk whenever we can. She’s back on track and she’s happy. She hasn’t cut in a while and I count each day as a blessing. It scares me to think of where we – where she – would be today if I hadn’t asked her, “Are you okay?”

One simple question that can make all the difference.

By having a conversation and asking someone, “Are you okay?” you need to be prepared to listen without judgement and not jump in and try to fix the other’s problems if they don’t want you to. Sometimes, all you need to do is offer a willing ear and a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes, that is all you need – for someone to be there for you.

So today especially, take the time to reach out to your friends and family and let them know you are there for them if they need you. Offer a smile, a warm hug, a willing ear, a shoulder to cry on or maybe a few kind words, for kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

Three small words. That is all it could take - three little words could save a life.

R U OK?